When your toddler drops your iphone in the toilet.

I did not have a super day.

Bleh. I don’t like admitting that. I’d rather post about how awesome everything is or how I learned this great lesson about parenting/marriage.

But today just wasn’t one of those days.

I woke up with Connor this morning, packed his lunch and kissed him goodbye. I am so proud of that man for working as hard as he does. I love waking up at the same time as him and squeezing in a few more minutes with him. So, despite the rest of the day, my morning was really nice. :)

Then Noah woke up and the day began, full tilt. I was loving life, feeding my little one breakfast, unloading the dishwasher, singing along with the sesame street radio station. After breakfast I put Noah on the floor to play and started cleaning his high chair. I turned to the sink to wash the removable tray off and then I heard it.

Clunk.

And I knew Noah had sprinted his little self to the bathroom and flung his hand into the toilet. He’s been doing that lately. And so, lately,  I’ve been gagging a lot. And washing his hands with soap for very long amounts of time. And keeping the bathroom door closed. Except I forgot this morning.

And this time, it wasn’t just his hand. It was his hand AND my iphone. Clunk. All the way to the bottom. I was not a happy camper.

It did not turn back on. And it makes me so sad to say this – but that totally ruined my day. And I was not the best mommy I could be. I felt like I was cut off from the world and OH MY GOSH  I couldn’t post anything to instagram! The phone is currently sitting in a bag of rice, but I don’t anticipate positive results in the morning. And I was a major grump all day. Patience did not flow freely.

Connor came home to find Noah and I sitting on the doorstep, waiting so very very eagerly for him to get there. We sat down to dinner and I told him, while holding back ridiculous tears for a PHONE, what had happened and that we didn’t buy insurance on the phone and I didn’t think we would be able to replace it and I didn’t even get a chance to shower today and *pathetic little sob*. My handsome husband told me to go take a long shower and that he would handle all of Noah’s bedtime routines by himself. I resisted a little, but really, that was exactly what I needed. So I accepted my husband’s gracious generosity. And I took a reeeeaally long hot shower. I even tried to laugh at myself for being so upset over a phone…too soon though. ;)

And now I’m trying to figure out what I can take from today. Heres what I’ve got so far….

1) Do not try to compensate for your depression by going to Goodwill to look for a rocking chair for the nursery. A divine intervention on behalf of your financial situation will occur and all of the store’s furniture will be gone. Really.

2) Do not rely on instagram as your main social outlet.

2) Do everything in your power to love and teach your son well, even when he makes you crazy upset.

3) Do not try a new recipe for dinner on days when everything has gone wrong. Just. Don’t.

4) Do always be extremely thankful for a husband who is gracious and loving.

5) Do pray. Pray often and hard during those hard days.

Thank goodness His mercies are new every morning. 

I am going to set this burden down tonight with prayer and more prayer. There is no need for me to carry this awful-no-good day with me into tomorrow.

Goodnight, friends. Sleep sweet and wake fresh.

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Becoming a SAHM…and why it’s harder than I thought it would be

We are officially settled into our new home. We live in a cute and quiet condo close to the mountains. We absolutely LOVE the location. We are 10 minutes from the zoo, Garden of the Gods, and all sorts of hikes. It’s wonderful.

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We do not, however, have air conditioning. And last night I was downstairs on the couch until 4 a.m. because it was so unbearably hot in our room upstairs. So miserable. I’m sure I won’t even notice come September 7, when I no longer have a little heater in my belly. A window air conditioner may be in our future. Out of absolute necessity. ;)

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The biggest transition for me has been transitioning into a stay-at-home mom. I worked full-time in South Dakota. I was gone from 8-5 every week day since he was 3 months old. It broke my heart, because all I have wanted to do for years, is be a home maker and a mother. So when it became clear after Noah was born that it was best for our family if I worked during that time, I was fairly devastated. BUT, I surprised myself. I actually liked going to work. I liked taking a shower every morning and putting on nice clothes. I liked getting out of the house when stress was high from a sleepless night. It still broke my heart to leave him (although it was easier because I was able to leave him with my mother almost every day), but I liked having a purpose outside of the house.

Now, my job is my home. And it is a lot harder than I expected it to be. It is difficult to know, at the end of the day, whether I have done my job well. Did I do the laundry to completion? Did I vacuum all the crumbs? Did I sweep the kitchen? Did I play with my son? Did I give him intellectual stimulation? Did I give him balanced meals throughout the day? Did I show him how much I love him? Did I welcome my husband into a peaceful home? Did I prepare a dinner that filled him? Did I soak in the time we had that evening as a family? Did I appreciate my husband enough?

Most days I don’t know the answers.

But that’s okay.

What I do know, is that I am so thankful for the chance to pour into my son and husband. I am thankful to serve God by maintaining the food, finances, and upkeep of my home.

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I’m not super talented at any aspect of homemaking. But I am excited to work my fanny off at it. Because I love that little boy and that handsome man.

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In other news, that little dude is now walking. And practicing his running. Oh dear. ;)

Be Still and Know

The end of Saturday night I was an absolute basket case.
Noah had a COUGH.
It started in the morning when he woke up. *ahem* That’s literally what his little cough sounded like. Very dry and very harmless. But I knew he had the whooping cough. Seriously. And he had a red spot on the back of his neck and his eye looked swollen! And. And. And. We were going to be in the emergency room in seconds – I just knew it! I was driving Connor crazy, “Did he just cough AGAIN?!” and “Connor I think he’s choking. Did you hear that? Look at this eye. No, he’s really sick. We need to take him to the doctor. NOW.” To which he would reply calmly and reassuringly. But I wasn’t having it. Enter full-blown panic mode.
I watched him like a hawk. And, you may be surprised to know, that he ended that night peacefully sleeping in his crib. No cough (the nurse I had called earlier said, considering his age, he’s probably just imitating those around him…I dismissed what she said because, LIKE I SAID, he HAD whooping cough.), no swollen eye, no red spot. He was (and had been all day) fine.
This seems to happen to me a lot. I work myself into an absolute frenzy. Usually, over nothing. I do it to Connor concerning our finances, big-kid choices and our priorities. I almost always think something is wrong and we need to fix it and fix it now! I push myself mentally until I become a basket of nerves.
I think this is why the hymns  “Be Still My Soul” and “Be Still and Know” have always been two of my favorites.
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I let my mind get so busy and wrapped up that it can’t (or won’t) hear my heart pleading for mercy, quiet and recovery.
When I sing these songs, my mind gets quiet. It is a beautiful thing. When I’m singing for myself or during worship, I mean. Toootally different story if someone is listening.
When Noah has a particularly rough night and I’m rocking him at 3 a.m. I always find myself singing,
“Be still and know that I am God,
Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God”
In those moments I remember. I am still and I know. I wish it didn’t take 3 a.m. to get me there.
God is so good. I just need to be still and know. And I need to do it much more often than I do currently. 2014 resolution?! I think yes!

I hope that amidst the flurry of happiness and activity, you find time to quiet your soul and know that He is God.

Merry Christmas Eve Ya’ll!!