Hello, hormones.

I have spent the last couple of days in awe of those super mommies who have four kids in four years. Like. Major awe.

Yesterday my mother left the house for a half hour (which was my first time alone with the two kiddos) and it took everything in me not to ugly cry when she walked back in the door.

Inevitably, they had both woken up as soon as she drove off. And they both needed me. Right then. Noah didn’t understand why he had to share my lap with Micah (who I was feeding) and so, he started crying and trying to hit his little brother. Then Micah started crying. When Noah realized I was not going to put Micah down, nor was he going to get a larger piece of my lap, he jumped up and started walking around the living room sniffling and looking completely neglected. So my mommy heart just broke and I spent the rest of the day feeling bad for bringing another human into the world and interrupting Noah’s childhood. How can I love Noah the same way as before? How does Micah fit into this picture? I mourned the loss of constant one-on-one time with my child.

Yes, I realize the craziness of those feelings. I know my firstborn will be just fine, and that my life is even richer now that I have two perfect sons. But I definitely did not feel that way yesterday. Hello, post-pregnancy hormones. I also felt the need to wake Connor up in the middle of the night to cry and tell him what a great dad and husband he was, how much I appreciate him, and how sorry I was for not being a good wife and blah blah. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember, considering how late it was and how my babbling could have easily been confused for an incoherent newborn crying.

Change is hard for me. I thought the transition from a family of three to a family of four would be easy (because apparently, I’m crazy). But it’s okay that it’s not. This too shall pass. And I find a lot of hope in the fact that I am called to wait on the Lord for strength. I might not have a lot of emotional strength right now, but I am praying and waiting and I know that strength will come.

Soon, I will not feel like crying when left alone with my two little ones. But for now, I am overwhelmed. And for the moment, that is okay. I’ll just wait and wonder how those super mommies do it.

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He’s here!

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Micah Nolan Boyce has arrived. He was born on September 11, at 10:23 pm after only 15 minutes of pushing. At 8 lbs and 15 oz, all the nurses were exclaiming at how “big” he was (I didn’t think 8 lbs was considered big?!). Since he came so fast, he didn’t have a chance to squeeze some excessive fluid out of his lungs and we live at a fairly high altitude, hence the oxygen He should be off it by next week.  Keep watch for his birth story soon!!

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Basically 40 weeks

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So. On Sunday we will hit 40 weeks with baby Micah.

I am literally dying to meet him. Please come soon Micah-bear!!

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I have actually been feeling great, despite lots of braxton hicks and contractions. Which probably means he’s not in any hurry to arrive…ugh. Hello, past-due baby.

At last weeks appointment I was 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Which is all good and great except that at this weeks appointment there had been no change (insert emotional pregnant tears).

IMG_1281While I am so excited for baby #2 to join our family, I am doing my best to soak up all the one-on-one time I can give to Noah now. I love our days together. His personality is becoming more evident every day and his brain is constantly amazing me. This morning, he found a lint roller and started de-linting a bean bag chair because he had seen someone else do it a couple days prior. He is such a little genius!! He can say hot (which is always accompanied by him blowing on whatever he thinks is ‘hot’), mama, dad, dog, and a bunch of other words that I absolutely cannot understand yet – but that he is very sure about. ;) Everything he “says” is so specific and commanding. He may have some (or a lot) of his momma’s bossy side. And a healthy dose of his dad’s outrageous-ness. Connor’s nickname growing up was “screaming warrior.” It fits Noah to a T. He screams about evvvverything. Oh boy.

Connor and I have also been doing our best not to take this time for granted. We have very much enjoyed our quiet evenings together after Noah is in bed. I know we won’t have many of those after we add a newborn into the mix. I love sleep and sanity, and I am LOVING that I have both at the moment. I realize those luxuries will pass. And return. I hope.

Maybe next week I will be able to introduce you to the newest member of our family!! <3

On the mend and all the laundry

Finally. FINALLY. Things are starting to freshen up around here. Noah is feeling dandy and his molars broke through. Hallelujah! Connor is still sick with the throat plague or something (the urgent care doctor we took him to wasn’t too concerned about actually diagnosing him, he just threw some antibiotics our way for Connor to take “if we think he needs it.” Say whaaa?) But, he is (hopefully) over the peak and on his way to health.

So, after being stuck in my house since last Wednesday, leaving only for emergency ibuprofen or milk runs, I am SO excited to be back to a normal routine. And normal housework. Funny how even though I’ve been home this whole time, all the things like laundry, vacuuming, and general cleaning have fallen on the wayside. I’ve had other things on my mind. ;)

My only goal today: deep-clean my house from top to bottom. We have a fresh new baby coming and I can’t bear the thought of having any sickness hanging around once he gets here. And if I accomplish that…then I would like to make some homemade bread (hah.). But really.

Oh and look for a bumpdate next week!! We’ll be 38 weeks and I will actually have my hospital bags packed by then. Until then: a little bathroom selfie with the big brother…

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Weekend Recap

This weekend was another one for the books.

On Friday, we enjoyed some seriously choice pizza from Domino’s (their hand-tossed crust is so unbelievably good!) and family time.  Loved it.

 

Saturday, Connor set Micah’s crib up. I almost cried when I walked into the boys’ nursery. It is the sweetest thing to see the two cribs next to each other and to feel the general coziness of the room. I can’t wait to have Micah here. Connor and I both are so giddy to add this little boy to our family. And since I am officially 37 weeks, he can come AAAAnnytime! We’re ready for you buddy!!

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Saturday evening was a different story.

Noah has been pretty sick. On Thursday, he had an all-body rash, fever, and sore throat. I took him to his pediatrician that day (I am definitely not one of those people who wait to “see how things go.” I will jump immediately on anything strange and scoot us all to the doctor. #notashamed) and she said it was probably just viral, but if his throat got worse or the rash turned to blisters, to bring him back in.

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By Saturday afternoon I had a little boy so miserable I didn’t know what to do. He was bawling his eyes out at everything. He would run into my lap to lay his head on my shoulder for a few seconds to cry and then run off again (aaannd repeat every 30 seconds). But the rash hadn’t gotten any worse and his throat seemed the same to me. That evening though, I heard from a friend we had had a play date with earlier that week, that her sweet girl had strep. So after a few moments of overwhelmed mommy-blubber to my husband about what to do, he put us all in the car (around 6:30pm )and drove us to an urgent care facility. I’m so thankful for a husband who can make decisions when I can’t.  When we got back in the car at 8:30 pm, we knew that Noah did NOT have strep but he certainly had hand foot and mouth. Poor poor baby. :( It was a long night. But, shoot, it had been a long week, so no big deal.

But guys. After waking up at 5 a.m. yesterday morning, having a little snack and falling back asleep at 5:30…HE SLEPT UNTIL 10:30!!!!!!! Unreal. UNREAL. I woke up at 10, completely disoriented. But after sprinting to Noah’s room and seeing a peacefully  sleeping babe I fell back into bed with the biggest smile on my face. God knew I needed to sleep. I NEEEDED to sleep.

The rest of Sunday was dreamy…mostly. Noah was obviously feeling much better and so was mommy. After he got back from church, Connor made a few comments about being a little tired and achy but we didn’t think much of it. Until 4:30pm, that is. I walked into our (un-air conditioned) living room to see my husband wrapped in a blanket. Weird. So I took his temperature. It was 100 degrees. I immediately gave him Tylenol but every half hour his temperature had jumped another degree. By 6:30 it was 104. I was absolutely panicking. Thankfully, Noah had been exhausted from such a busy day and went down at 6. After three Ibuprofen and a lot of desperate prayer, the fever finally started to go down. By 9pm he was back to his normal self. But gosh. That scared me. We still don’t know why that happened or whether the fever will come back…

We will see how today goes. Prayers would be so appreciated. Two sick boys and a preggo wife make for quite the scene.

A baby belly and a teething toddler

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This is literally how we spent the later part of our afternoon yesterday. I found out right after a particularly difficult breakfast, that Noah was pushing at least two molars through. Ouch.

He was a little trooper during an early playdate, but when we got home he let me know – he was in PAIN. Chewing on frozen washcloths just made him cry and tylenol did not seem to be making a dent in it. All he wanted was to be held.

So instead of vacuuming the floor (that really needed it), like I had told myself I would do that day, I sat down on the couch and I cuddled with my sweet boy.

If you know Noah, then you KNOW. This boy does not sit still. He is a steamroller of activity, almost constantly. So having uninterrupted time where he just wanted to be on my lap, was heaven for this mommy.

And it was extra special yesterday, because at 36 weeks pregnant, I had both of my little boys squished on my lap. Seeing Noah’s little hands wrapped around his brother’s home was precious. Then, when Noah snuggled in even more and rested his head next to where Micah had been kicking all day, my heart swelled to bursting.

How did I get so blessed?

I am so thankful for quiet little moments like those. Because parenting is hard. Hard, people! But it is the greatest gift I have ever been given, and moments like that bring everything into focus.

Community Brew | He will provide

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I really enjoyed reading Madison’s opening words to this installment of the Community Brew link-up.

God DOES do big things. Absolutely. And I seek his provision daily and earnestly.

But Madison asked, was I seeking God with “open hands?”

Nope. Big negatory on that one.

I am a close-fisted seeker. What I have, I want to keep and have no intention of letting go.

I am devastated when He “takes” something away from me. Like a child. However, one of the the verses Madison shared got right to the heart of my emotional immaturity.

 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
 
 

God is not cruel. He is greater. Greater than me, greater than circumstance, greater than all things. He can see beyond. When He comes to me, and asks me to have open hands, He is not “taking” from me. He is making room. Greater room for greater things.

God has always provided for me. He has given me all I need and more. I have absolutely no reason not to trust Him when He asks for some things back. I should know better. Because HE knows better.

My greatest obstacle to seeking Christ with open hands is money. One of the subjects God is SO specific about in the Bible. Men and women who give their last pennies to God, without looking back, are praised and always provided for. Men and women who hoard their money are passed over and punished (Ananais and Sapphira, anyone?). That knowledge should be plenty motivating for me and yet, when it comes time to tithe I struggle. When I see someone sitting on a street corner, asking for help, I struggle. When I am asked to support a child in Africa, I struggle.

I have PLENTY of things I need to use my money on. “God-money” comes out last (and, as a result, usually has a $0 balance).

How unbelievably backwards and selfish is that?!?

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?”

Matthew 6: 25-26

 

Thank you Madison, for such eye-opening words!!

 

Linking up with Madison and Rachel. Thank you, ladies!