The end of Saturday night I was an absolute basket case.
Noah had a COUGH.
It started in the morning when he woke up. *ahem* That’s literally what his little cough sounded like. Very dry and very harmless. But I knew he had the whooping cough. Seriously. And he had a red spot on the back of his neck and his eye looked swollen! And. And. And. We were going to be in the emergency room in seconds – I just knew it! I was driving Connor crazy, “Did he just cough AGAIN?!” and “Connor I think he’s choking. Did you hear that? Look at this eye. No, he’s really sick. We need to take him to the doctor. NOW.” To which he would reply calmly and reassuringly. But I wasn’t having it. Enter full-blown panic mode.
I watched him like a hawk. And, you may be surprised to know, that he ended that night peacefully sleeping in his crib. No cough (the nurse I had called earlier said, considering his age, he’s probably just imitating those around him…I dismissed what she said because, LIKE I SAID, he HAD whooping cough.), no swollen eye, no red spot. He was (and had been all day) fine.
This seems to happen to me a lot. I work myself into an absolute frenzy. Usually, over nothing. I do it to Connor concerning our finances, big-kid choices and our priorities. I almost always think something is wrong and we need to fix it and fix it now! I push myself mentally until I become a basket of nerves.
I think this is why the hymns “Be Still My Soul” and “Be Still and Know” have always been two of my favorites.
I let my mind get so busy and wrapped up that it can’t (or won’t) hear my heart pleading for mercy, quiet and recovery.
When I sing these songs, my mind gets quiet. It is a beautiful thing. When I’m singing for myself or during worship, I mean. Toootally different story if someone is listening.
When Noah has a particularly rough night and I’m rocking him at 3 a.m. I always find myself singing,
“Be still and know that I am God,
Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God”
In those moments I remember. I am still and I know. I wish it didn’t take 3 a.m. to get me there.
God is so good. I just need to be still and know. And I need to do it much more often than I do currently. 2014 resolution?! I think yes!
I hope that amidst the flurry of happiness and activity, you find time to quiet your soul and know that He is God.
Merry Christmas Eve Ya’ll!!