stability vs eagerness

While I’m currently pawing around for a career and hoping like crazy I’m going to be good at something in the professional world…my deepest desire is to be good at loving Connor and I’s future kiddos. I want to keep house, bake birthday cakes, and build blanket forts. If I can be good at that, then I will have accomplished something. I want to teach them to share, to care, and respect.  And if they learn, through the way their parents love each other and serve others, that there is a mighty and awesome God…then my life will have been worthwhile.

Yes. Connor and I want to start our family. I want a bundle of joy so bad I could cry! One of the first things I loved about Connor was his commitment to family. His desire for his own and the importance he placed on family time. When we were engaged I dreamed up a life that had a pretty specific timeline. Marriage, honeymoon, baby, perfection. There wasn’t much wiggle room. It wasn’t until after we did the marriage and honeymoon part that I understood that the baby part of my plan involved a lot more than just getting pregnant.

Connor and I have spent the first six months of our marriage learning how to love each other and how to balance our check book. I have spent a lot of my life being bad with money. I have a natural spend-it mentality. Right now though, paying the bills and buying groceries take up just about all we get. I am learning that money is a precious commodity that can take away or bring so much peace. I have determined that I want it to bring peace. Connor and I have been praying for wisdom and discernment to help us be good stewards of our money. It’s not easy. And…I wouldn’t say we are good stewards yet…but we’re working at it.

I think our child deserves to come into a peaceful home. A home of financial stability and spiritual strength. To provide our children with these things feels like a tall order right now, but an indispensable one. I can wait a little longer to start our family off on the right foot.

Ultimately, God is in control. Connor and I will start a family when God decides we should start a family. All we can do right now is pray, lay out our heart’s desires, listen, and walk forward along the path we are called.


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